A SATIRICAL AND SUBVERSIVE GUIDE TO THE

ENGLISH LANGUAGE & BRITISH CULTURE

 

FOR B1-C2 LEVEL FOREIGN STUDENTS 

 

 

Recommended age: 16 + 

ACADEMIC NOTE: This site contains some brief linguistic analysis of expletives and taboo language for educational purposes only.

Content intended for adult researchers and linguistics students.

 

 

Original content created by Miki Pannell, professional linguist with PhD-level training and qualifications in :

• English Language and Linguistics, Certificado de Tercer Ciclo (Universidad de Sevilla)
• B.A. Hons. Spanish with English and Literary Studies (Middlesex University)
• TESOL Certificate [Teaching English as a Second Language] (Oxford House College)

 

Professional profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/communicationswhizz/

 

 

 (TEXT VERSION OF VIDEO)

 

ZAK WASHINGTON: Ok. Ok. Calm down! Calm down please!

 

A very good morning to you students! Welcome to London on this sunny day in 1973! 

I am going to teach you about English culture and the English language.

 

You probably think that you know everything about Britain [1]. You don't. You know nothing.

You've probably been to Madame Tussaud's. No British person has ever been to Madam Tussaud's.

This is only for tourists. Even Madame Tussaud was a foreigner.

 

Carnaby Street too: tourist only zone.

 

Have you ever laughed at dumb [2] red-faced tourists, lost in your city, taking bad photos and getting over-charged [3] everywhere? Well, now, the stupid tourist is you! 

 

You probably went to the Tower of London, Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square, that palace where Lady Diana lived...

in other words… the dullest [4] places in the country.

 

But how many of you went to The Big Ben Tavern on Baker Street?

What? You missed the most colourful pub in the capital.

 

There’s a man in that pub that has sat on the same barstool for forty-seven years.

There is a woman with a beard... (Woman: ‘Oh hello love! Do you remember me?)

and she's the most attractive girl in the bar… (Woman: ‘I’m not that desperate.’)

 

There is an old sailor with a tattoo of a mermaid [5]…

You can study more about England in five minutes in this grotty [6] place, than in a month with a guide.

 

If you want to go and study the language, there are twenty language schools on Oxford Street.

The fee [7] is about £1500 pounds a year. Don't go there!

 

Go to The Kebab Delight on the Old Kent Road.

Ask for a bag of chips for 90p [8]. (Woman: ‘Chips are £3.50 love.’)

You will not leave for two hours because the owner, an Algerian called Abdel, talks so much that he won't let you go home.

You can practice speaking English there all day… for free.

 

When you've finished, throw the cold chips away, because like all English food, it’s totally disgusting.

(Woman: ‘What are you bloody talking about?’)

And like all English food, it's cooked by foreigners.

(Woman: ‘Who are you calling a foreigner?’)

 

 

(TEXT VERSION)

Here's the VOCABULARY and EXPLANATIONS from the introduction 

 

[1] Great Britain, United Kingdom, England, British Isles etc. Great Britain is the large island that is north of France, and east of Ireland.

It contains three autonomous regions: England, Wales and Scotland. Great Britain and Northern Ireland, together, are called the United Kingdom (The U.K.), which is, officially, the name of the country.

 

The official title that you can find on a passport is The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Ireland (or Eire) is a separate country altogether. Confused? Us natives are too. 

 

The British Isles refers to both the large islands, and therefore includes Ireland too, but this expression is used only in relation to geography. This is all according (SP: según IT:  secondo) to the ‘official’ description.

 

Natives of Britain often think in different ways. If you ask any Englishman, or Welshman where he’s from, he will tell you England, or Wales,  not the United Kingdom.

Nobody except tourists say, ‘Are you from the United Kingdom?’

We seldom refer to ourselves as British either, probably because it has political connotations .

 

It is  much less common to see the British flag  (SP: bandera IT: bandiera) the Union Jack-(the red, white, and blue one) hanging  (SP: colgar IT:  appendere) in public places, as it is to see the American flag in the US. This can be a political statement  (SP: declaración IT:  dichiarazione).

 

The easiest and safest way is to refer to each individual country or nationality.

Thus England/English, Scotland/Scottish, Wales/Welsh, Northern Ireland/Northern Irish.

All of these people could be called Britons, Brits, British, or more unusually, Britishers. Britons is uncommon outside of newspapers and formal styles.

Brits is a popular word with non-Brits, and is informal; ‘He was running around drunk  (SP: borracho IT:  ubriaco) on the beach like a typical Brit abroad.’  

Britisher is an ugly  (SP: feo IT:  brutto) word that is only usually heard outside Britain too.

 

British is the most universal and acceptable way of  talking about the person’s nationality.

It describes the people, but can be used as an adjective for anything else too:

‘British weather is so bad, but when it rains, a lot of British men go out without their umbrellas. Why?’ 

Also note that there is no adjective for someone from the United Kingdom, which considering this is the official name of the country, is absurd! 

 

Sleazy, seedy, and tacky are commonly used to describe people too. Other useful negative adjectives for places could be

second-rate (below standard) and squalid (extremely dirty, unpleasant and poor) , naff (SP: ordinario  IT: pacchiani )  or

crappy meaning ‘of disappointingly low or bad quality’.

Introduction Part 1. 

Index. Basic Verb Tenses. Social English Phrases, Mini-English Pronunciation Course - Part 1.

 

Introduction Part 2. 

Mini-English Pronunciation Course - Part 2. Essential Adjectives. Idioms. Travel. Tourism. Zak Washington's English Adventure. Irregular Plural Nouns.

 

1. The Betting Shop. Verbs + Verbs in Gerunds and Infinitives. Gambling.

 

2. The Dole Office. Conditionals. Inversions. Phrasal verbs. Welfare. Job Interviews.

 

3. The Pub. Modal Verbs for Deduction & Advice. ‘Used to’ + gerund/infinitive. Drinking.

Anja’s Guide to Speaking Perfect English. Part 1. Pronunciation.

 

4. Brighton Beach. Fast food. Globalisation.

 

5. The Indian. Countable/uncountable nouns. Eating habits. Cookery.

Anja’s Guide to Speaking Perfect English. Part 2. Pronunciation.

 

6. The Police Station. Tenses. Modal Verbs of Obligation. Pronunciation. Crime School.

 

7. The Greasy Spoon Café. Phrasal Verbs. Contractions. ‘Ain’t’. Pronunciation Dictation.

 

8. The Squat. Dependant Prepositions. Squatting. Homelessness.

 

9. The Bus and Underground. Phrasal Verbs. Directions. Transport.

 

10. The Royal Revue Bar. Reported Speech. Short Answers. Question tags. Enterainment. Censorship.

 

11. The Royal Revue Bar. Can. Could. Be able to, Manage to. Adjectives. Physical Appearance.

 

12. The Newsagent’s. Describing Appearance. Passive Tenses. Do or make? Shops. Newspapers. Media. Magazines. Celebrities.

 

13. The Jumble Sale. ‘Used to’ + Gerund / Infinitive. ‘Got to’, ‘Need to’. Adjectives –ED and –ING endings. Bric-a-brac. Clothes. Fashion. Names.

 

14. Speakers Corner. Future Tenses. Freedom of speech. Heckling. Arms. Weapons. Crimes.

 

15. The Old Bailey. Gerund and Infinitive. Revision. Law and Order. Languages and Dialects.

 

16. Her Majesty’s Prison Woodworm Shrubs. Revision. Swearwords. Insults. 

 

 

PART THREE

CLICK WHERE YOU SEE THIS BUTTON FOR PART THREE WITH

ANSWER KEY, SOLUTIONS, DISCUSSION POINTS and ADDITIONAL READING MATERIAL

(HAGA CLIC DONDE VE ESTE BOTÓN PARA LA CLAVE DE RESPUESTA.

 FARE CLIC SU DOVE VEDERE QUESTO PULSANTE PER LE RISPOSTE.) 

(TEXT VERSION)

 

1. Hey! What's up?

2. Hi there. 

3. Great to see you!

4. Hello mate!

5. How's things?

6. How's it going?

7. Long time. No see. 

8. How's everything?

9. Alright!

10. How are you doing?

READ PART 1 & PART 2. 

DO THE EXERCISES. 

DISCUSS WITH YOUR TEACHER AND FRIENDS.

PLAY THE GAMES & ACTIVITIES. 

 

GO TO PART 3. 

FIND ALL THE ANSWERS, EXPLANATIONS AND VOCABULARY. 

 

 (TEXT VERSION) 

IRREGULAR VERBS

(PRESENT / PAST / PAST PARTICIPLE)

 

be     was/were     been    

beat     beat     beaten

become     became     become

begin     began     begun

bend     bent     bent

bet     bet     bet

bite     bit     bitten

blow     blew     blown

break     broke     broken

bring     brought     brought

build     built     built

burn     burnt     burned/burnt

buy     bought     bought

catch     caught     caught

choose     chose     chosen

come     came     come

cost     cost     cost

cut     cut     cut

deal     dealt     dealt

do     did     done

draw     drew     drawn

dream     dreamt     dreamt

drink     drank     drunk    

drive     drove     driven    

eat     ate     eaten

fall     fell     fallen    

feed     fed     fed    

feel     felt     felt    

fight     fought     fought    

find     found     found    

fly     flew     flown    

forget     forgot     forgotten    

forgive     forgave     forgiven    

freeze     froze     frozen    

get     got     got    

give     gave     given    

go     went     gone    

grow     grew     grown    

have     had     had    

hear     heard     heard    

hit     hit     hit    

hold     held     held    

hurt     hurt     hurt    

keep     kept     kept    

know     knew     known    

leave     left     left    

let     let     let    

lose     lost     lost    

make     made     made    

mean     meant     meant    

meet     met     met    

pay     paid     paid    

put     put     put    

read     read     read    

ride     rode     ridden    

ring     rang     rung    

run     ran     run    

say     said     said

see     saw     seen    

sell     sold     sold    

send     sent     sent    

set     set     set    

show     showed     shown    

sing     sang     sung    

sit     sat     sat    

sleep     slept     slept    

speak     spoke     spoken    

spend     spent     spent    

stand     stood     stood    

steal     stole     stolen    

swear     swore     sworn

take     took     taken    

teach     taught     taught    

tell     told     told    

think     thought     thought

throw     threw     thrown    

understand     understood     understood

wake     woke     woken    

wear     wore     worn     

win     won     won    

write     wrote     written

WHAT ARE THE ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS OF ENGLISH PRONUNCIATION?

 

Our first video explains about the schwa which is the #1 sound in English.

 

 

Unstressed syllables

Any vowel letter (A E I O U) can be pronounced as the schwa. It just depends if it is the UNIMPORTANT or UNSTRESSED part.

 

In the word 'man' the letter 'a' has its full sound - represented by the symbol /æ/.

In 'postman' the syllable 'man' is not stressed and the letter 'a' is pronounced as schwa, represented by the symbol /ə/ .

 

 

Now practice these words that include the schwa sound /ə/:

- about   - taken   - memory    - supply   - emphasize   - vitamin   - celebrate   - president   - occur   - campus   - cut   - love   - sun   - truck   - stuff    - salad   - balance    - assume   - agree   - problem:  

 

Exercise Now practice saying these words out loud:

DOCTOR     BANANA     TOMORROW     DIFFICULT     SUMMER     LEVEL     PROTECT     SURVIVE     PUPIL    THEATRE     MEASURE     WIZARD